The End of a Journey

I’ll be honest, I’m a little torn. I am so ready to have my body totally back to being just mine, but it also means letting go of my son’s last bit of ‘baby-ness’ (I know that’s not a real word). He’s really growing up, becoming a little boy instead of a baby, and it can be so hard to make that transition.

Our breastfeeding journey was definitely not without its struggles. I realize how incredibly lucky I am that I never had supply or latch issues, but when I went back to working more often, we supplemented with formula because pumping just didn’t work for me. And that’s okay. I’ll admit that I struggled with that for a little while, but I guess you gain wisdom and confidence over time. There are many women who can’t breastfeed or who choose not to, and that’s okay too. Don’t we all just do what’s best for our children and our unique situations? Anyway, I digress…

When I was in the midst of breastfeeding, there were many times I felt like this period of my life was never going to end. It was hard, it was stressful, and quite frankly there were many times I did not enjoy it and was so ready for it to be over (cluster-feeding, ugh- and every nursing momma says, ‘Amen!’, right?).

However, it was also beautiful, empowering, and quite frankly there were times that I didn’t want it end. Those  fleeting moments where he was still tiny enough to be held in one arm, or when he would look up at me while nursing with those eyes that seemed to believe I was the best thing in the world. It was simply amazing.

I know how lucky I am that my body somehow adjusted to my haphazard work schedule and still allowed me to nurse and not have a set pumping or nursing schedule. I am so thankful that I was able to return to working full time and still nurse. I am thankful that my son took a bottle when he needed to without a problem, and weaned way more easily than I imagined. I am thankful for the support I had while nursing. I’m not going to pretend to believe that if we have another child it will be that easy. Honestly, I expect it to be the exact opposite.

I suppose I chose to share this post for mostly personal reasons; as a reminder to me of what my breastfeeding journey was like because, as time goes by, I may forget; and if we end up having another child, a reminder of this unique experience with my first born.

I also share this in hopes that it may provide a bit of encouragement to that mom out there in the midst of her breastfeeding journey, on a day when maybe it’s not going too well and she finds herself exhausted and stressed. To that mom, it’s okay to be frustrated. I won’t tell you to enjoy every single minute of it because, yes, there are times that it really is not enjoyable, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom, it means you’re human so give yourself some grace.  It’s a journey, and no journey is without it’s struggles, but when you do get to the other side (and you will get there, I promise), you will be amazed and proud of how far you’ve come.